i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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