I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
