Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
