there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
