I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
