wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
