she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
