hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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