If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
