be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We need to get me chipped asap
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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