finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
im holly from the hills drunk
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
