R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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