I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
