i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
