I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
