I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she told me i tasted like america
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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