Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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