Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
