I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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