Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
