I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
