You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
