Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
