Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
