Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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