I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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