We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
