great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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