do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
