When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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