when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
