It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
