dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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