His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
