You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
