Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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