Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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