WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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