ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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