After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
