Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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