Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
