Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
