At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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