Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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