U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
my poor anus
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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