having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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