im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
