Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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