We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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