do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
